Salem: Chapter 4.9 "Awkward Teenage State"

Last time with the Diffys, C.B. was a terrible firefighter, Kim and Jane had fun as kids who could do things, and Ashley warned Maura of Salem's illicit activities. This time...

Jane: "Kim really is a lazy butt sometimes."
And that's why I love her: because I can relate.

Salem: "I should be back tonight, Maura! Tomorrow at the latest."
Maura: *suspiiiiicious*

Maura: "I can't believe I'm about to go to such lowly lengths as looking up my own husband on the internet."

Maura: "Salem Diffy isn't exactly a common name, so this shouldn't take too long."

Maura: Hmm...police reports and criminal records. Salem has been taken in for suspicion of theft, but hasn't actually been charged with anything.

Maura: Carmen...isn't that Salem's boss? Has been convicted of fraud in the past and has been to jail.

Maura: Ugh, this is some nasty business. The people of Strangetown aren't exactly the brightest, but that doesn't mean that anyone should take advantage of them like Salem's boss and the organization he's running must be doing. We should be improving this town to improve the people, not undermine them.

Maura: "Ami, I'm in a bit of a situation with Salem. I know that there is something he isn't telling me, and in fact has lied to me about. I'm not sure how to approach the subject with him."

Ami: "Wow, Maura, you look really worried about this. How bad could it be? Some hidden criminal past? Haha."

Maura: "Well, it's not exactly in the past just yet."
Ami: "...oh."

Kim is content to spend a day at the pool napping.

Jane: "Hey there, Uncle Elliot."

Jane: "You wanna fight? I bet I could take you on!"
Elliot: "Haha, sure Janey, watch out for this one!"

Jane: "Ha, just kidding; you can stop pretending. I know you'd never really hit a girl, especially if she would probably win."

 As a distraction from all her woes, Maura has got herself a gym membership.
Maura: "What are you talking about? Working out is just fun."

 Maura: "And I should set an example for all the people of this town by improving my own mind and body first."

 Maura: "Plus this treadmill has a decent view."

 Gilbert has ventured into the town to meet Pascal Curious' cat, Duchess.

 I think she's quite pretty. She's also "family" as Gilbert's brother's mate.

 Jane: "Dad, I just don't get it with school. It seems like the stuff we learn isn't even useful! I mean, geography? Why memorize all that when we can just look it up on a globe?"

 Salem: "I know exactly what you mean, Janey, but I'm afraid you have to do your homework every now and then. Just remember you can read comic books after you're done."

 Ashley: "Hey Salem! Er..."
Thad: "Dad, what is this?"

 Thad: "I didn't know this would be some kid party. I'm going home."

 Jane: "Silly Thad; it won't be a kid party for long."

 Kim: "Jane? Wait, are you getting ahead of me? You can't do that; I'm older!"

 Jane: "You're also slower, sister."

 Well, ok.

 Kim: "I guess it doesn't really matter. You know I'm older."

 Phew. There's the awkward teenager I was expecting.

 Ashley: "Hey...I just saw Salem leave."
Maura: "Come off it, Ashley. I'm in no mood to talk about that."

 Kim: "I guess we are growing up now, Jane. We'll have to start thinking about our future soon."

Jane: "Ugh, why do you have to bring up that kind of thing? I think I've lost my appetite."
Kim: "You already ate."
Jane: "So? If I wanted a second piece you've ruined it for me."

 Maura: "We have plenty of cake now, don't we?"

 Jane: "So, Mom. It's leisure day, and we've got no school. We should throw a party!"
Maura: "On such short notice? I suppose that's fine with me. I can't see anyone showing up at this point."
Jane: "Don't worry about that; I'll get everyone together. No one has to work today, anyway."

 Kim: "Do you think anyone will show up?"
Jane: "Of course they will! I just sent out a mass text."

 Maura: "What is wrong with this thing?! Emily!"

 Kim: "Glad you could make it this time, Thad."

 Thad: "I am, too...uh..."

 Thad: "So how are we related again?"

 Kim: "It's my mom and your dad. They're cousins, and that makes us...second cousins, I think."

 Emily: "There's nothing wrong with this thing, just Maura overreacting..."

 Emily: "Baahhh! The flames!"

 Jane: "Hey Heather, I can't believe you're my aunt. That's so weird."
Heather: "Don't worry; my body will soon grow out of this awkward teenage state."

 Heather: "Rhiannon? What's the matter with you?"

 Rhiannon: "I'm in laaaabor! Get Maura for me!"

 Ami: "Our sister's time has come, it seems."
Maura: "Yes, time to pop that baby out. C'mon Rhiannon!"

 Jane: "Remind me to never ever have kids."
Salem: "Oh you're reminded."
Kim: "Well."

 Kim: "What's leisure day without fireworks?"

 Jane: "Dad, I don't see the shooting star."
Salem: "Keep looking."

 Jane: "I can't find it! And I wanted to make a wish, too!"

 Salem: "Ha!"

Jane: "Whoa, Dad, you got me! I'm impressed."

Next time: The party's over, and Maura wants to have a discussion with Salem. Also, Kim and Jane will do more teenage things.